These are the show notes from June 3, 2012
"Creating Great Relationships."
The show title was Learning to Forgive.
During the show, I told the audience that I would give additional information including more insights into Myth Number Three.
Myth Number Three
You can have unforgiveness toward one person and it will not affect your other relationships in any way.
The truth is that when you don't forgive someone, your unforgiveness is not totally contained and focused against that person. Your anger and resentment toward that person leaks out into your relationship with God, and it almost always leaks out into all your relationships. It may be in very small and subtle ways but it does seep out and negatively affects other relationships.
An example of Myth Number Three
Years ago, a friend asked me to go to a new Bible study at her church on Tuesday nights. I agreed. Little did I know that almost everyone in the class had just finished a “Divorce Care” class. The Divorce Care class had met on the same day and at the same time as this new class, so most of the people in the Divorce Care class decided to take this class.
Week after week, I got to see firsthand how these graduates of the divorce class took every concept we studied and filtered it through their anger at their ex-spouse. Their anger and resentment not only colored their views about their ex-spouse, but it also affected the way they expressed themselves on a variety of topics. No matter what we were talking about, their anger and resentment showed through their comments and their body language.
Since these people were fresh from Divorce Care, this example is somewhat obvious. Nevertheless from living many years on this earth, I have seen over and over examples of how a person's unforgiveness seeps out.
You have probably seen this happen in your own life:
I have been talking to someone and all of a sudden we hit a topic about someone in their life, Then I see their body stiffen. Next their complete body language, words, and tone of voice change. They then begin to show forth their anger. I see that they carry some past offense with them wherever they go. I listen to see if they are going to share any positives about the person or speak about how they pray about their anger. That rarely happens.
If we have anger and resentment, it spills out.
(not discussed on the radio show)
You only have to forgive when the other person asks your forgiveness.
That is false.
Point Number 1
Jesus modeled forgiving even when the person did not ask.
The following story is found in Matthew, Mark, and Luke.
Matthew 9:2 KJV "And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy: Son Be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee."
The man did not ask for his sins to be forgiven.
Luke 23:34 KJV - Jesus was on the cross. Jesus said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."
No one was asking for his forgiveness.
Point Number 2
If we do not forgive, we keep the anger and resentment. Holding anger and resentment is a sin.
If you do not forgive, you do not allow love to fully flow through you.
Ephesians 4:31 KJV "Let all bitterness and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Tenderhearted and forgiving go together.
Now read 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 in a couple of translations. I do not see how someone can read these verses and still defend unforgiveness. The emotions of unforgiveness are opposite to the way God commands us to be.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 NKJV
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6 New American Standard (Ryrie Study Bible)
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth."
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 AMP
"Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]."
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