How To Forgive Part Two
is a continuation of a teaching I started on a previous page.
This page is for those who want help forgiving someone.
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This page answers the three questions that I posed at the end of Part One.
If you have found this page and you have not read the first part of this teaching, you can click here for Part One.
Part One ended this way:
Eventually, there was nothing for weeks and then months! I was free. I was living in freedom. I was almost finished with the process. There was just one more step.
I will be adding to this teaching and answering the following questions:
I thought I had finished my forgiveness process. It has been months since I had any unforgiveness symptoms. Then one day my mind went to an incident that the person had done to me. I began to think about it. The more I thought, the more upset I became.
What was happening?
After I had been following my forgiveness routine, I finally arrived at true forgiveness. I could easily love and care about this person. I could easily pray and ask God to bless this person. I had no ill will toward this person.
I had completely forgiven, yet, I was to learn that my forgiveness process was not yet complete.
I had to successfully survive the enemy's secret strategy.
I found out that the enemy of our soul and his forces can raise the dead – dead feelings.
I noticed that months after I was free, if I allowed my mind to re-examine a hurtful experience, dead feelings began to rise up in me. Even after total forgiveness, I found that I was capable of getting stirred up - and then feelings anger and feelings of unforgiveness were stirred.
When this happened, I realized that unforgiveness wanted to come back and make a home in my life.
I knew the unforgiveness had been dead because it was weeks since I had any kind of negative feeling toward this person. I also knew that during that time I truly and sincerely wished the person well. Yet reliving in my mind some painful experience with that person caused my anger to be stirred. I immediately began to recognize what was happening. I knew what the enemy was trying to do. I firmly and sincerely said my forgiveness prayer and everything in my mind and heart went back to being happy and wishing him well.
I have had to survive this kind of attack several times in the last few years. Each time I could make a decision to allow unforgiveness back into my life. I never want to do that. I want to live in forgiveness. I enjoy living in forgiveness. I enjoy being free. I enjoy loving and kind thoughts flowing through me toward this person and every person.
Nothing is worth living in unforgiveness. Nothing.
When you make that decision, you are planted on the rock of Jesus in the area of forgiveness. Please choose to follow Christ in this area.
The kingdom of God is righteous, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.
I want to live in the kingdom of God.
I choose forgiveness.
If you are not ready to choose forgiveness, please begin to read forgiveness materials and listen to “A Heart that Forgives” by Kevin La Var. That song is played at the beginning of my radio show on forgiveness. You can find it on my Creating Great Relationships radio audio page. The title of the show is “Learning to Forgive.”
If you want to renew your mind and grow to the place where you actually want to forgive, you must read and listen to pro-forgiveness things. Read Bible scriptures that are relevant. Listen to testimonies about forgiveness.
Here are the basic words I used to forgive each day.
“I forgive such and such for everything he did to me, by an act of my will, by the power of God, in the name of Jesus, Amen.”
I had admitted that God wanted me to forgive.
I had decided to forgive.
Yet my emotions sometimes didn't cooperate.
Each day, I would come to God and begin praying that God would help me to forgive this person this day. At the beginning, there were many days when I struggled to get motivated to forgive. So God began to give me strategies – ways of thinking – to help me truly want to forgive.
I would prayerfully sit with God.
God would guide my thoughts to tender thoughts about the person. I would work to receive those thoughts. I would review past circumstances and situations and remember emotional pain in his eyes. I would think about instances that I knew about in which he was treated unfairly.
I would pray for blessings for this person. I would pray that he would allow God to help him with his weaknesses and his relationship issues. I realized that if he had a right relationship with God, he would have pursued a right relationship with me.
In addition, God told me things like: If you had been a fly on the wall of this person's house while he was growing up and you saw the abuse given to him, you would be here today as an advocate for the person instead of struggling to forgive. As I pondered that statement, I felt sorry for the person. I felt tender toward the person. I remembered the saying: hurt people hurt people.
God also said to me: “Beth you want such and such to be kind to you. He isn't even kind to himself. You expect him to do more for you than he will do for himself.” That was a powerful motivator for me. How could I expect that out of him?
When someone is unkind and perhaps cruel to someone or to everyone, it indicates that he or she doesn't really care about their own welfare enough to protect his or her character, integrity, or eternal future.
When people are cruel, they aren't concerned about their own future eternal destiny much less the problems they create for others. Hardhearted, cruel people have limited desires to help themselves and others. They are not thinking clearly. They are living in confusion, anger and sinfulness.
How can we expect someone who is walking around in a fog of self-centeredness and confusion to truly focus on our needs?
Anyone who was truly thinking clearly would want to have a good relationship with God and with us.
When we step back and (through the eyes of Christ) see the problems inherent in those who are unkind to us, it puts things in a clearer perspective for us.
Prayer for You
I pray for each one reading this forgiveness information. I pray that you would help this person to receive strategies that will help him or her to truly forgive and to live in forgiveness. Help this person to have the desire and the determination to walk through the process and become free. In Jesus' name,
Please consider reading the information on our learning to forgive page. That information is also available in an audio format. That teaching talks about the myths surrounding forgiveness and it talks about how valuable you are. Many times when people hurt us, it makes us feel devalued.
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